


Consuming Heartache

by arasininthesun



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heartache-Fluff, Past Character Death, Stydia Week, Too many feels, What Have I Done, Yes Another Allison Grief Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 01:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1451053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arasininthesun/pseuds/arasininthesun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lydia has been feeling trying her hardest to stay strong after Allison and Aiden's deaths, but even the strongest can crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Consuming Heartache

_"Death doesn't happen TO you; it happens to everyone around you."_  
  
It had been an earth shattering thing to say to her; sticking in her brain beyond scream after scream, resurfacing after losing her best friend in the entire world and a boy who was trying to turn the corner just for her cause.  
  
When Lydia Martin decided to talk to Stiles about the hurt she was facing, it wasn't immediate. She knew that Stiles was fighting off his own personal demons, and then being there for his best friend losing the one girl he knew he loved more than anyone he ever came across. It wasn't fair for her to up and decide that she could be selfish in saying she needed him too.  
  
But there was no one she could honestly, truly lean on yet. Kira was far too new; her mother tried but was completely out of the loop as far as supernatural knowings were. For weeks, she witnessed Stiles and Scott using each other as crutches, facing their pain and anguish as a team, to which she was proud. The aching feeling inside her made her a little envious; Stiles and Scott had each other. They were the unbreakable pair, and she used to see them as the male version of her and Allison. Even with Allison busy, she had a distraction with Aiden in her life; the two of them worked well together, and she appreciated the time she did get to spend when he truly worked his way from being bad to good.  
  
While Stiles and Scott had each other, she was battling night terrors, encountering her first panic attacks, fighting all urges have her mind engulfed in darkness all alone.  
  
She didn't want to be the one to have him 'rescue' her from what she was going through, because she knew he thought she was being the strong one. To all others, she adapted well from it all and she was channeling her emotions through her schoolwork. Albeit she didn't seem the healthiest socially, there was nothing physical about her that anyone felt the need to take caution to.  
  
Four AM three weeks later, she woke up in a frenzy, drenched in sweat, the name Allison on the tip of her tongue. Her bedroom was heavy with memories of sleepovers and gossip and the happiness that once existed in her life.  
  
Although her phone hesitated over her contacts list, Lydia was always one to be bolder about things than a simple phone call or text message.  
So when she arrived at the Stilinski household, knocking at the door (but of course thinking 'they're asleep-you're being a complete idiot-go home'), she was a bit amazed to see the sheriff open the door wide, giving her a compassionate look.  
  
"Lydia?" It seemed he had recently gotten home or was leaving early for a shift at the station. The poor man was always, always working.  
  
"I'm sorry Mr. Stilinski, I don't mean to be here so late... or so early, I just... I didn't know where else to go..." Her mouth is dry and her eyes begin to water; she has to take a few breaths, internally telling herself to be brave.  
  
He gives her an understanding half-smile, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Lydia. You are welcome here any time you need," He glances at his watch, "...even if it is four fifteen in the morning."  
  
They're talking in hushed tones, but she's still a little amazed that Stiles isn't awake. Her eyes glance at the staircase, but Mr. Stilinski is already on it. "Go ahead."  
  
She silently thanks him; tip toeing up the staircase, her fingers brushing the banister with each step.  
  
Stiles' door is half-open; she's sure his father likely checks on him as much as possible during the night.  
She had braced herself to see him fighting in his sleep, muttering, on the edge of more night terrors.  
Instead, he was snoring. (She nearly laughs in relief)  
  
It hits her that she's in his room; she hasn't been in his room since she and Aiden were looking for a link between his red strings and his disappearance. The memory makes her eyes well up, but she pushes the familiar feeling down once more.  
  
The strings, the cases upon his wall that once made the room feel cluttered now were gone, leaving the room feel a little more empty than she would have liked. She realizes that now that she's present, she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to wake him up, but she doesn't want to feel so alone. Taking in his snores makes things a little easier. She glances around, unsure of her next move.  
  
Something catches her eye, and the Aiden memory resurfaces. "For Lydia". The framed nematon; the picture is framed with the roots as branches, empty but still existing in the world. Maybe she was being selfish or overstepping her boundaries, but she traced her finger along the back of the frame, finding the note and feeling more than compelled to read it.  
  
 _"Lydia, I know that you've heard me say things to you a million times._  
 _You're beautiful._  
 _You're smart._  
 _You can always do whatever you put your mind to._  
 _I know you've even heard me say I've loved you since the third grade. I have, you know._  
 _I'm so thankful to have you in my life, finally, after years of thinking you didn't know I existed._  
 _Someday, I'll tell you all about what third grade Stiles had figured out about third grade Lydia that made him fall for her so hard._  
 _Over everything that we've gone through, I want you to know that even though I said carelessly that I love you countless times, I truly and honestly am in love with you._  
 _Whatever we face in the future, I'm going to be here; Friend, boyfriend, second husband, whatever._  
 _I love you, Lydia Martin. Please, never forget that."_

  
Lydia choked back a sob folding the note up carefully, tucking it in the frame's crease. This was too much for her; her emotions were on overdrive.  
She stopped caring about sneaking around the room and walked back over to the bed, slowly crawling in to the space between Stiles and the mattress' edge.  
  
He rustled, but didn't open his eyes, shifting to a new position, stopping the snoring.  
Even though Stiles wasn't awake, Lydia couldn't handle it anymore. Everything was too much.  
The tears started pouring down her face.  
She was shaking, trying to be quiet but the emotion was all-consuming.  
  
At first, she felt Stiles pause completely, facing the direction opposite of her but as her tears continued to fall and she let out a horrifying sob, he made no hesitation to turn over immediately, holding her tightly against his chest as she cried.  
Her free arm snaked around him, clutching on to him like he was the last anchor, the last tether she had to this earth.  
He rubbed her back, kissing the top of her head as a few tears of his own slid into her hair.  
  
"I'm here, Lydia. I'm here." He got it.  
There was no questioning of why she was in his bed at this hour of the morning, no freak-outs of her being pressed up next to him.  
  
She finally was letting out everything that had filled her to the brim since she was sobbing last in his unconscious arms. It was only fitting that he was there as well when she broke down again.  
When her sobs diminished to cries and further became whimpers, he pulled her away from his chest to look at her.  
  
He pulls a tight smile on his face, tears still evident in his eyes, saying "I've always said you look beautiful when you cry."   
  
She clutches him further, pulling him close to her again, crying until her eyes feel like sandpaper and her throat is raw.   
It's Stiles that gets tear stains and snot all over his shirt, and after realizing so, it hits her.   
This is the boy she needs, she loves. She may not be ready to externally admit it yet, but he's always going to be her tether to the world, and the tether to her heart. 

**Author's Note:**

> It's silly how John Legend's "All of You" includes the lyrics "How many times do I have to tell you, even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too" and it fits this song so well. I wrote this as something to get feelings out because Allison's death and I'm still in denial there's no correlation with the "for Lydia" note and Stydia.  
> Did you catch the "second husband" reference? I had to throw that one in there.  
> This is my first posting on AO3; thanks for reading!


End file.
